F is for Failure

Well I've made my first inedible meal of our marriage. This last weekend I decided that I would, for the first time, roast a chicken. Actually I was only going to roast 1/3 of a chicken. If you've ever seen one of my mom's homegrown chickens you know that an entire chicken would feed a small army. The entire experience was awful. First we didn't set the chicken out to defrost early enough. So I tried the microwave, that was a failure. The microwave cooked the chicken around the edges and made the meat smell weird. So finally I put the chicken in lukewarm water to warm up. My short patience kicked in and before long I was rinsing the 1/3 chick and plucking out pin feathers. The whole time cursing whoever slaughtered the chicken and left so many darn pin feathers knowing full well it was probably me that did it. Once the chicken looked presentable and didn't have a weird smell to it I set about seasoning it and trying a recipe my mom had told me about. Then it was into the oven. I called my mom about an hour into the baking to ask how long to cook it. I panicked when she said only about 45 minutes. Well I checked it and it was in no way done. So it was back into the oven for another half hour or so. Finally I thought maybe it's done. So I pulled it out and cut into it only to find an almost still pumping vein in the leg. While keeping at bay my upchuck reflex I asked Brett if we can just through it out. He said no and put it back into the over. Another half hour or so later he declared the chicken done and pulled it out. Now I don't like dark meat to begin with, add to the fact that it's poorly prepared dark meat and I don't want to touch it. Brett chivalrously at the entire drumstick (which is quite large on one of my mom's chickens). I ate two bites and then added milk, sugar, cinnamon, and coconut to my milk and enjoyed my dessert.

While initially I declared I'll never roast a chicken again and wondered why I want to raise chickens if the only part I eat is the breast meat, I've decided the root of the grossness was the not completely thawed state of the meat. Thus perhaps maybe I'll try again. Hopefully with less pin feathers.

Dinner Rolls.

So I've talked about Spunko's before. Well our best sellers was dinner rolls. The recipe comes from my "business partner's" mom. The recipe became something I would cook if I wanted to impress. Then I met my husband who from the very beginning raved about his sister-in-laws, Katie, rolls. So my days of 'I'll bring the dinner rolls' ended. My niche in potluck dinner had already been filled. But after taking the rolls to a church picnic and seeing them practically vaporize (they were the only non-store-bought rolls I think that's why they went so fast) I decided to post the recipe.

Well here is what you need. Water (not pictured, if your unfamiliar with water let me know, I'll make a post about it and how to make it.), yeast, oil, white sugar (I'm not racist towards white sugar though, you can also use honey, or go ahead try brown sugar tell me if it works), salt, flour, and an optional egg (Meaning you don't have to use the egg. Don't go to the store and ask for optional eggs you won't find them.).

Oh my I almost forgot an ingredient, the best ingredient... butter... mmmm butter. So today I used margarine. I am racist against margarine. The idea of margarine makes me go bleh. If you're gonna add fat use the good stuff. But I'm trying to cut down spending everywhere and margarine is a lot cheaper so I tried it. Oh and when I made rolls dinner night I had an extra table spoon or melted butter and what did I do with it? I ate it... plain... yeah, that is right, I dipped my fingers in it and licked it off my fingers. So, to keep from adding some more junk to my trunk, I used margarine today.

As far as equipment you'll need a rolling pin of sorts. See mine? I made it when I as a kid. A pastry or bread cloth helps a lot. And you'll want a mixer with a dough hook. You can also make the dough in a bread maker. Oh and a cook sheet (preferably with sides) and an oven or some other high intensity heat source, but your on your own if you use any other cooking method than an oven.

Okay we're ready now. Let's go.Here we have the water, sugar, and yeast. Every time I make any bread I think okay I'm going to let the yeast activate before moving on. So supposedly there is something going on under that cloth. I heard someone describe the yeast activation as an orgy going on under the cloth and you just need to wait for the party to finish. However, I disapprove of orgies and don't have the patience to wait. So I just move on. Maybe my sister-in-law let's the orgy happen and that's why her rolls are better (although I'm sure she wouldn't call it an orgy).

Okay I'm back (did you realize I went away?). I had an epiphany. There are two types of yeast. Some yeast need you have to activate first. These are the dirty inappropriate yeasts that require an orgy. Other yeast (the kind I use) are clean and moral, this yeast is often called bread machine yeast. They don't require the activation. So really, my lack of patience is cool for once. Phew. I feel better now.

Moving on, add everything but the flour and give it a little mixerew.

Yummy looking huh. Uh-oh...Looks like I'm out of flour. Looks like your on your own from here. Good luck.

Just kidding, I have more flour. Did you really think I was going to leave you on your own.

Okay add some flour. Go ahead. Do it, add a cup or two or four. NO STOP TOO MUCH! Just kidding.

Oh boy, Not enough flour Getting closer.Now we're getting there. See how the dough is starting to make make a ball on the hook. Good sign. Let's check it.

I look we're close. Go ahead touch it. A little bit should stick to your finger but not this much. Add another half of cup or so. Oh boy it's ready. Turn the dough onto your floured pastry cloth and give it a knead or two. Them cover it and let it rise. This is where I should say, I only made a half recipe. If you make a full recipe you should cut it into two or three even pieces. This is when patience come in again. Last time I made these rolls for Brett I was determined to let the dough rise. So I covered it and walked away for almost a half an hour. Those were big fluffy rolls. And what did Brett say? I like these but I like them denser. So this time it was 5, maybe 10 minutes of rising and moving on.

Okay roll it out. Every time I roll the dough out I think of the song from Clueless, the one that Brittani Murphy and the jerky guy dance to at the party, that says "rollin' with my homies. Now cut it into fourths and them each fourth into thirds.Like this. Now is the fun part. Take each 12th and give it a bath...A butter bath. I think I'd personally enjoy a butter bath. I might get in the bowl myself... oh wait no, this is margarine, bleh.
Okay, slap it down there on your cookie sheet. Shmear it around in the butter so both sides are covered. Them start rollin' in my homies again.And keep rollin'.I'm tempted to but eyes on it.

Can you consume sharpie?? Do I need to throw this one out? Just kidding! I used photo shop. He's cute though huh. If I weren't married and he were dipped in butter I mike give him a kisserew! Okay let's finish up here I'm hungry.

Oh wow, I'm fast.

What? What is that? Is that a pig? Trying to eat my rolls? I THINK NOT! Okay. Go off. Enjoy.

You're still here? Leave.

It's over. What? You want what? The actual recipe. Oh fine here it is.

• Dinner Rolls
• 2 cups warm water
• 2Tbs yeast
• 1/4 cup oil
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 egg (optional)
• Bake at 400 till golden brown (10-12 minutes)

Okay. Ya good? Got it? Enjoy. There no Katie's rolls but their good.

Okay I admit it. I kind of copied Pioneer Woman on her style of recipe sharing. But it's just so much more fun than the boring old recipe and directions. And it's not that I'm trying to be like her... more like she showed me it's okay to let my freak flag fly.

Mississippi Mud Pie

Pie crust
1 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon sugar
1/2 cup unsalted butter, cold, cut into pieces
2 to 4 tablespoons ice water.

1. In a large bowl, using a pastry blender, combine flour, salt, and sugar. Add butter, and cut in with pastry blender until mixture resembles coarse meal, with just a few pea-size pieces of butter remaining.
2. Sprinkle with 2 tablespoons ice water, and continue to work dough with pastry blender until crumbly but holds together when squeezed with fingers (if needed, add up to 2 tablespoons more ice water, 1 tablespoon at a time). Do not overwork.
3. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured work surface; form into a 3/4-inch-thick disk. Wrap tightly in plastic, and refrigerate until firm, at least 1 hour. (Or wrap in plastic, place in a resealable plastic bag, and freeze up to 3 months. Thaw in the refrigerator before rolling.)

I didn't have a pastry blender so I used two butter knifes. It took me forever. I was also doubtful that the mixture would really roll into anything besides crumbs but it did. It's important not to over work. I also didn't bother past the first sentence of step three. I immediately used the crust in the following recipe.

Mississippi Mud Pie
All-purpose flour, for work surface
1 pie crust (above)
8 ounces bittersweet chocolate, coarsely chopped plus 1/2 ounce shaved
1 cup coarsely chopped pecans, toasted
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter
4 large eggs
1 cup granulated sugar
3 tablespoons light corn syrup
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup heavy cream
1/4 cup confectioners' sugar

1. Preheat the oven to 375. On a lightly floured work surface, roll dough out to a 12-inch round. Fit into a 9-inch deep-dish pie plate. Using kitchen shears, trim crust leaving a 1-inch overhang. Fold edge under then crimp with your fingers. Prick bottom all over with a fork; refrigerate 30 minutes.
2. Line with parchment paper and fill with pie weights or dried beans. Place on a rimmed baking sheet. Bake 15 to 20 minutes until edges are just beginning to turn golden. Remove parchment and pie weights, and return shell to oven. Bake 15 to 20 minutes longer or until golden all over. Transfer to a wire rack to cool. Reduce oven temperature to 350.
3. In a medium heatproof bowl, set over, not in, a pan of simmering water, melt 2 ounces of the chocolate. Brush bottom of cooled shell with chocolate and scatter pecans over.
4. Using the same bowl, set over simmering water, melt butter with remaining 6 ounces of chocolate.
5. Using an electric mixer on high, beat eggs, granulated sugar, corn syrup, and salt until thick and batter falls back in a ribbon when beaters are lifted from bowl, about 3 minutes. Gently fold butter-chocolate mixture into egg mixture. Pour into pie shell. Bake 35 to 40 minutes or until top forms a crust and filling is just set.
6. Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely, then refrigerate until well chilled.
   Using an electric mixer on medium speed, beat cream with confectioners' sugar until soft peaks form. Top cooled pie with whipped cream and chocolate shavings.

The only change I made was I didn't have any pecans so I used walnuts. Also be sure to let the melted chocolate cool so that it does not cook the egg mixture (I've made this mistake a few times before with other recipes.) I also had a ton of extra filling so I put it ramekins and baked them along with the pie.

I got this recipe from Everyday Baking, which is a cooking show on PBS. Turns out the show is part of the Martha Stewart empire and the recipe along with the video can be found at marthastewart.com